5/22/22 - moved my website
moved my website to https://younglove63.github.io/my_website/; update your bookmarks. Will no longer be updating the site at this location.
journal
4/1/22 - publishing my website
spent a lot of time making the "listen to this!" box and I like the songs I put on there so I'm gonna publish this thing. I was thinking I wanted to have at least one more journal entry up before I did that but whatever, I'll journal more later.
Just to have some update though: I'm back home in NY after a snowboarding trip to Colorado and New Mexico. Had a great time! Saw a bunch of friends, which is good bc I don't really see any friends at home. My snowboarding skills didn't evaporate in the year since I shredded last.
Also did a small amt of LSD (like 0.4 of a tab) and that was fun. More than anything it made me excited to do more soon. When I'm on acid I feel that I'm seeing truths about the world that are so obvious and self-evident but now I forget what they were. I took some notes though. One theme was that, although I feel a little trapped at home, and restricted by my low energy levels and stomach issues, I shouldn't resent the situation; I am restrained for my own safety. When I am healthy enough to get out again, I will. So: work on getting healthier. (I was in the backseat of a car, playing with my seatbelt while reflecting on safety measures / constraints, and figured all the things slowing me down are like the seatbelt in some way I don't yet understand. Hope to understand it better upon doing more acid / eventually getting back out in the world.)
Also wanted to share this thought: when your skin dries out, that's because it's putting out moisture into the air and not getting enough back. The fact that your skin can dry out shows that it's a permeable membrane, always exchanging material with the environment. When it doesn't dry out it's still doing that, it's just that the exchange is more equitable. File under: "no man is an island," a common theme of my acid trips.
But anyway, my main reason for publishing now is to share my song thing! I put like 50 tracks on there. It randomly selects one when you load the page, and then you can hit the button to draw another one. Hope you find something you like! And feel free to tell me if you do 🙂
- N
2/4/22 - pushin <p>
shitty css stylesheet isn't working so I'm hardcoding my styles into the html file. embrace tradition.
does this insert a line break? yes. good.
i used to know html and css better. I've learned it at least twice before, but my mind isn't built for memorization.
I'm going to NYC tomorrow.
Yesterday I got the news that I'm not getting the job I applied for in Boston. I flubbed the interview, I'll admit it. There was one question where I just blanked and didn't even venture an answer. Not a hard question either... when they said what they were looking for, I was like "oh, yeah that's what I would have said."
But maybe it wasn't just my interview performance. Seemed like they wanted someone with experience dealing with angry customers, something I neither have nor want.
I'm not going to NYC for a job search though, just to see a friend. Losing out on this job shifted my focus back to my upcoming plans to see my friends. That's what I really care about, that's what really enriches my life.
And honestly I might not have been ready for a full time job. My energy levels are in the garbage, I'm so tired most of the time. I want to work on my physical health, get a better routine going or something.
I'm on ritalin now too which helps here and there but there's always the crash afterward. I want to try Adderall, see if that suits me any better. I suspect no drug is going to be a cure-all. I've tried a bunch (weed, LSD, shrooms, molly, coke, ketamine, uhhh whippets) and it's all temporary at best. But hey, everything's temporary.
Still, it hurts to be rejected.
In hurt self-defense I say "fuck em".
On that theme, check out this song: